That Feeling......

That feeling.....
I was standing in the shower. It was christmas eve. I was supposed to be getting ready to give my family their christmas presents from the babies but instead I was taking a shower to go to the funeral home. Yep a funeral home.
I felt like I was going to pass out, I yelled for Dave. He was all I had. No more babies. No more dreams. No more hope.

That feeling.....
it is a horrible feeling. Your world is crashing and you don't know where to go. Do you have anything left? It comes in a moment and it leaves in a moment.

That feeling.....
It came again yesterday. No reason, no reason at all- I guess that is how grief works.

Splash Universe

Mom, is that Abby?
Are we staying the whole night?
With Abby?
We are going to have soooo much fun!

And so much fun we had!! What a great time!
In celebration of mine and Joe Shifflett's birthday we all headed down to Dundee to go to Splash Universe!
The kids had such a great time! Even the little ones! Lincoln loved playing in the baby pool with Audrey. And Jaidyn and Abby were unstoppable. Abby is fearless and went all of the water slides.

Family Pictures

In mid January we took the kids to Portrait Innovations for pictures!
Every picture turned out great! Of course like every mother does I worried all night how the kids would do.

Would they smile?
Would they cry?
Would they listen?
Would I be happy with the pictures?

And I was, they all turned out amazing! and I spent way to much money!
Even the pictures we all took together turned out!
I can not believe how big the kids are getting. Jaidyn is such a big 4 year old and such a great older sister. Lincoln is such a cute 1 year old and honestly the happiest kid I know!

Happy New Year!

What a great start to 2010!
We had all of our sisters and nephews over for Rock Band and Crab Legs!

We had the best crab legs ever! They were sooo Yummy! Yummy!

2009 was a good year but I am very much looking forward to a great 2010.

I am so lucky to have such a great family and this year as part of my new years resolution is to spend more time to with them and do more things together.
My other resolution is to get into better shape. I want to be able to run 5 miles, and I know I can do it!


Happy New Year Everyone!

Christmas 2009

This year Christmas was the best Christmas I have had in five years!
We did our usual Christmas Eve at Kimmy's and than Christmas Day Dave's parents and sister came over.
For Christmas Eve we had Italian sausage and spaghetti and fondue!
We have been doing this for about 4 years and every year it just gets better and better.
For Christmas day Dave's family came over our house in the early afternoon and we had a chicken chili and just relaxed, it was great.
Later after the kids got up from naps we ordered take out Chinese! It was so nice!
The best part of Christmas this year was watching the kids enjoy it!
Jaidyn is finally understanding what Christmas is and Lincoln just loved playing in all the boxes.
I feel like it was just finally the way Christmas should be!

Five Years

Hannah Grace Born Still December 22, 2004
Winton Jacob Born/Died December 23, 2004

Why is that certain years hurt harder than others?
This is one of those years.
Five years, five years, how does that happen?
Where does time go?

It was five years ago that we lost a piece of us.
It was five years ago that we thought our dreams could never come true.
It was five years ago that everything changed.
It was five years ago that I truly felt my heart break.
It was five years ago that my strength was tested.
It was five years ago that I held you in my arms for the first and last time.


It was five years ago that something bad happened to us, but its not still happening.

Jaidyn's 4th Birthday

Four years old!
Four years old!
Can you believe it?
Can you believe it?
MOM- can you even believe I am four years old!

I can't, I can't believe my little baby is becoming a girl now.


For Jaidyn's 4th birthday we had a flower party! Jaidyn wanted the whole party to be about flowers. The decorations, the cake, her dress, other peoples dresses......
It was so cute. She had it planned for a whole month. I kept asking her is there anything else you want- Dora or something? and she just kept telling me "mom. we already talking about this!"

The party turned out amazing. Every seemed to really have a nice time. I loved watching the kids play and just relaxing with all of our wonderful family and friends. It really couldn't have gotten any better.

And as I tucked Jaidyn quietly into to bed, she looked up at me with her big eyes and said:

"Mom- I can't wait till I'm five"